


hurry up and wait

by freezerjerky



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Film Noir, Homme Fatale, M/M, Murder, Private Investigators, Psychological Trauma, Sort Of, but not of major characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-25 09:27:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16194743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freezerjerky/pseuds/freezerjerky
Summary: “And what is it I’m supposed to help you with?”“Uh, this is going to be kind of awkward,” the man continues, tucking his hair behind his ears. His hair is rather long, a pretty chestnut shade of brown. “But I saw my boyfriend kill a man.”“Okay,” Hermann answers coolly. That’s not the weirdest thing he’s dealt with, definitely out of the ordinary, but he’s worked with murder cases before, usually at the request of Pentecost so this checks out. “I suppose Pentecost is requesting that I help in the case against your boyfriend, perhaps by collecting evidence.”“No, dude,” the man refutes. “My boyfriend’s in the mafia kind of. Well, not kind of. He’s sort of the son of one of the biggest mob bosses in Boston.”in which Hermann is a private investigator and Newt's got a past





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [feriowind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feriowind/gifts).



> For the lovely and always creative Ferio, who is to be thanked for the creation of the homme fatale Newt AU, which has haunted me since they first talked about it on twitter and I...love it immensely, obviously. 
> 
> PS for anyone who read my last fic, there was a little teasing Easter egg where Newt makes a joke about being a homme fatale in chapter two. ;)
> 
> Song title from "Look After You" by the Fray because I'm kicking it old school

Hermann’s job consists of a lot of mundane cases- trailing cheating spouses, investigating embezzlement as a favor for the police, occasionally delivering a subpoena. The job is nothing like the sexy intrigue of those black and white film noir movies that everyone only has vague memories of and it’s not as intellectually stimulating as the Sherlock Holmes cases that fascinated him as a young man, sent off to boarding school rather alone in England. He likes the work, though, better than he ever liked teaching. Every day he’s grateful he decided to pursue that second degree in criminal justice, granting him the most rewarding job of his life. Even if it meant he’s not free of paperwork.

Still, everything changes and Hermann’s life becomes different the day that  _ he  _ shows up. Only in this case instead of slipping into the desaturated hues of a noir film, his life takes on a new vibrant show of color. It’s startling at first, a change he doesn’t recognize for the important thing it is.

 

The young man sitting in the chair across from his desk has his legs crossed elegantly as he sits. It looks practiced, something that he’s trained himself to do. He’s wearing boots with platforms and Hermann isn’t an expert on footwear trends but he imagines they’re rather expensive. The fur coat he’s wearing is definitely real and probably more expensive than most, if not all, of Hermann’s wardrobe put together. Given his styling and his approximately age (no older than late 20s- close to Hermann’s age) Hermann’s able to make an easy guess: he’s a sugar baby.

“Mr. Pentecost gave me your card,” the man says. “Said you might be able to help me.”

The man does not speak how he’d expect someone dressed like this to, his voice is higher pitched than the average man but pleasant and friendly. It’s not a voice he’d want reading a book to him, but there’s still something comforting in it. If the district attorney sent this man to Hermann, there must be a very specific reason.

“And what is it I’m supposed to help you with?”

“Uh, this is going to be kind of awkward,” the man continues, tucking his hair behind his ears. His hair is rather long, a pretty chestnut shade of brown. “But I saw my boyfriend kill a man.”

“Okay,” Hermann answers coolly. That’s not the weirdest thing he’s dealt with, definitely out of the ordinary, but he’s worked with murder cases before, usually at the request of Pentecost so this checks out. “I suppose Pentecost is requesting that I help in the case against your boyfriend, perhaps by collecting evidence.” 

“No, dude,” the man refutes. “My boyfriend’s in the mafia kind of. Well, not kind of. He’s sort of the son of one of the biggest mob bosses in Boston.”

“You’re dating one of the Precursor gang?”

“For almost a decade now, yeah,” the man answers defensively. “I didn’t know when I started seeing him, obviously. And he had insisted that he wasn’t involved in the serious stuff just the...money laundering and all that…”

“Can I have your name please?” Hermann clutches the arm of his chair. “I will need to check that Pentecost actually sent you.”

“Newt,” he answers, and bites his lip. “He said you’d be able to help me. I don’t have a lot of options because I know there’s cops that work with the gang and I think if they find me they’re probably gonna kill me.”

“Charming to know your real concern here.” Hermann furrows his brow. 

“Are you going to help me or not?” Newt asks, shifting awkwardly in his coat. “Because if I need to like, leave the country, I think it’s fair to give me time in advance to plan.”

“I can’t pass up on this opportunity, of course.” And it’s true. Being involved in putting anyone involved with Boston’s most infamous criminal organization behind bars would be a dream come true for anyone in the industry. The fact that Pentecost trusts him enough with this is a high honor.

“Pentecost said you might also have a place to stay,” Newt ventures. “He says the police really can’t be trusted with me and the less people who know about my whereabouts the better. While they’re trying to press charges and lock Jimmy up.”

Hermann had offered his couch to clients once or twice in the past, if they needed it. He’s never actively shared his home with someone while a case was underway.

“Newt, I’m really not comfortable-”

“I’ll pay you,” Newt says, reaching into an inner pocket of his coat. Underneath the jacket he’s wearing a fairly plain but low cut t-shirt. He withdraws a stack of bills and holds them out. “Please.”

“You’re afraid of him, your boyfriend.” Hermann sneers. He finds the cowardice of the wealthy off-putting.

“Yeah, dude. Like I said, if he finds out I went to the district attorney and a private investigator he’s going to kill me. Didn’t think someone in your career would be such a dick about unhealthy relationships.”

“I-” Hermann closes his mouth. Newt has a point. This is a man whose boyfriend is very likely angry with him, who has very likely been financially supported by this boyfriend for many years. He had, after all, pegged him as a sugar baby upon first glance. “I have a pull-out couch, but that’s all I can offer.”

He eyes the stuffed duffel bag at Newt’s feet. Newt must have packed everything he could in there, stuffing it to its brim. He likely didn’t have the time to think about what he was grabbing.

“That’s fine,” Newt answers levelly. “That’s kind of you.”

“Your name isn’t actually Newt, right?”

“No, it’s not technically. It’s Newton. But everyone calls me Newt these days. Gives a more casual image, right? A bit of the man they all want me to be.”

Hermann frowns. Something about that statement unsettles him, but he’s not entirely sure why.

“Then I’ll call you Newton, since you’re starting a new life.”

“And what do I call you, handsome?” Newt offers him a dazzling smile, it’s a bit too practiced but it still feels pleasing to have that look turned towards him.

“You have my business card, you should know.”

“Alright, Herms it is,” Newt teases.

 

Hermann’s apartment is rather small for two men, especially given the fact that Newt is technically not supposed to leave his apartment. It’s clean, though, and a relatively comfortable space. He gives Newt the grand tour of the space, consisting of the open living area and kitchen, his bedroom (off limits), and the bathroom. Newt openly grimaces when he notices how small Hermann’s shower is, or how outdated the kitchen is, but he still expresses gratitude for the invitation.

“If you write a list of things you need, I can buy you some toiletries and basic supplies tonight,” Hermann suggests. “It might be best to go through the clothing you’ve brought with you and see which is practical enough to wear and if you need anything else. I can provide you with shirts, but trousers, underwear, and socks will have to be purchased for you.”

“I’m sure anything will be fine,” Newt answers, and it sounds like he’s just saying what Hermann thinks is best for him to say. “I’ll just be sitting here the whole time, anyway, right? Do you have any books I can read or something?”

Hermann’s a bit surprised by this suggestion, but he lifts his cane, gesturing to his bookshelf. “There’s a variety of books to read here. Some of them are textbooks from classes I used to teach.”

Newt rises from his seat on the arm of Hermann’s couch and steps over to the shelf, reading through the titles. Hermann glances him up and down for a moment before he realizes this is inappropriate. The fur coat has been cast aside to lay on Hermann’s couch, so Hermann can see the way Newt’s v-neck hugs his body closely, revealing two in-progress tattoo sleeves and strong arms. He’s also wearing a pair of dangerously tight jeans, tucked into his tall boots, which only accentuates the curve of his ass. Newt’s probably not the stereotypical type for most men, but there’s a compact attractiveness to him that Hermann can understand the appeal of.

“You taught mathematical physics,” Newt says, breaking Hermann fully from his thoughts. “And you’re a private investigator?”

“I still love the field, but I find that teaching isn’t for me,” Hermann answers. “Did you, er- did you go to college? Study anything- that is?”

“Marine biology,” Newt answers, matter of factly. “I’ve almost got a doctorate, if you believe it. But then my dad got really sick and I had to take care of him for a year and then things were very serious with Jimmy and he said there was really no need to go back to classes and I guess I was too depressed to go back so I just didn’t.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Newton.” Hermann rests both of his hands on his cane, looking down at them. “Perhaps after this is done you can go back to your studies.”

“Planning on it,” Newt says, turning to him with a grin. “I’m glad you’re a smart guy, though, makes for more interesting reading.”

“Is your Jimmy not a particularly smart man?”

“I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t. Well, I’m not with him now anyway, just to get that point across. He’s my ex-boyfriend.”

“I had assumed.”

“Anyway, he’s smart. Most of his friends are not. They assume I’m a bit…” Newt tilts his head, like he’s looking for the proper word.

“Dense?”

“They think I’m more average because I talk like I do, which really comes in handy because I’ve heard some shit and I’m gonna use it to put them all behind bars.”

“That’s highly unlikely, Newton. At best some of them will be arrested and it’ll be enough that you can live your life without too much fear.”

Newt turns to face him abruptly. “I’m going to get every last damn one of them behind bars, Hermann.”

“You do have to be aware that it is likely you’ll be placed in a witness protection program, should you choose to testify publicly, and will live the rest of your life looking over your shoulder.”

“Aren’t you supposed to want me to help do this?”

“I do, but I also want you to know what all of your options are.”

Newt smiles at him, reaches out to squeeze his arm. “Here I thought you were going to be some big, gruff grumpy type, but you’re just a gentleman, huh?”

Hermann rolls his eyes. “Write me a list of things you might need and I’ll do some shopping for you.”

 

The shopping trip takes Hermann nearly two hours and he’s exhausted from it. Newt’s managed to somehow pull out the bed and attempt to make it. (Hermann had given him the sheets before he left, in case he felt so inclined.) It looks a bit like a sloppy disaster, with one of the corners of the sheets already peeling away. There’s a few things set out on the bed in haphazard piles, a few pairs of jeans, a singular pair of chuck taylor converse sneakers, two additional shirts, a tablet, and a handheld device that Hermann’s certain is used for gaming. For the most part, these look like typical things a man of Newt’s age would own. Then he sees the large stack of bills and a wooden box with a lock. Hermann doesn’t have to look inside to know there’s probably jewelry or something equally valuable in there.

Just when he’s about to search for Newt he smells something burning in the kitchen and immediately rushes to turn off the stove. Newt takes a step back, looking shellshocked.

“Sorry! I was trying to make eggs,” he explains. “Apparently it’s been a while.”

“Do you not know how to cook for yourself?” Hermann snaps.

“Well, yeah, but like I said, it’s been a while. I’ve had a private chef for a long time.”

“Please do not burn my entire apartment down, Newton.” 

Hermann dumps the remains of the eggs into his garbage and sets the pan in the sink.

“I thought I’d make something for you, figured you’d be hungry.”

“I took the liberty of picking us up Chinese on the way home,” Hermann explains. “Though I’m sure I’ll appreciate the gesture when I can get my blood pressure down to a normal level.”

“Excellent.”

They sit at Hermann’s small table, jabbing at their food with chopsticks. Newt seems particularly eager in his eating and Hermann wonders if he’s managed to eat anything at all today. When he’s got a mouthful of chicken lo mein, he certainly doesn’t have the practiced grace he’s been attempting all day.

“I’ll let you borrow some of my clothes until we can purchase you more,” Hermann says, once he pushes his food aside. “At least some shirts. I did buy you some new...underthings and socks. I regret to inform you that I could not afford a fifty dollar bottle of shampoo, however, I purchased the brand with the most similar ingredients.”

When Hermann was shopping for the shampoo, he’d spent more than a few moments feeling bad. Newt’s hair was long and well tended to, obviously something he took a degree of pride in. But really, even if he could afford something at that price point, he wouldn’t purchase it on matter of principle. That was far too much money to spend.

“I’m sure I’ll manage,” Newt replies. “I’m not some spoiled kept man you know.”

“You’ve been living rent free with your wealthy boyfriend, you own a real fur coat, and you tried to hand me a giant stack of bills.”

“Okay, point taken. I’m a spoiled kept man, but I’m more than that. I’m just re-adjusting.”

“Why did you do it, Newton?” Hermann asks, curiously. 

“Why’d I do what?”

“Date someone after you knew was involved in organized crime? Stay with him for so long? Build your life around him?”

“Because I fell in love,” Newt answers honestly, shrugging. “I knew who his dad was when I started seeing him, but he insisted he wasn’t involved. Then he admitted he was a bit, but I loved him and then money was…” Newt sighs. “I grew up with a fluctuating income, depending on how much work my dad had. It was nice to have money, especially when he got sicker. So I didn’t really care where the money came from, sue me.”

“I think it’s understandable,” Hermann admits. It’s not a choice he himself could imagine making, but it seems like enough of a normal human choice.

“By the time I realized how deep he was in, I loved him so much I just looked the other way. It happens. But then when I saw what he’d done- that love was gone. In a moment. And so was any blindness I had about who he was.”

“And you ran straight away to Pentecost.”

“He’d actually approached me a few times prior, but I always told him to fuck right off, but I suspect he knew something like this would happen, so I went right to him. He looked delighted to see me, gladder than any man’s ever been.”

“He’s been trying to put your ex boyfriend’s father in prison for a very long time.”

“There’s too much corruption from the inside,” Newt adds, slurping up the last of his lo mein after. “Too many cops in the organization. But if he has me, I can tell him who some of the cops are, and that means better chance of getting through.”

“I have to ask-”

“No, I have never knowingly gotten involved in criminal activities,” Newt answers preemptively. “Unknowingly? Possibly. I don’t really want to explore that emotionally just yet. I’m trying to deal with the whole watching the man I thought I love shoot a guy trauma before I dip too deeply into that.”

“Of course, take your time.”

After dinner, Hermann hands Newt a small stack of his clothes, shirts that he’s sure will fit Newt and a pair of comfortable track pants to wear to sleep in. Normally he’d sit in his living room and read until he’s ready to sleep, but it is late and he does crave his privacy. He adjusts the sheets on the couch and allows Newt to have free reign of the living space while he returns to his bedroom. If the thought of Newt sleeping just a wall away makes it oddly difficult for Hermann to sleep that night, he doesn’t pay any mind to it.

 

Newt’s sitting on the unmade sleeper sofa when Hermann returns from work the next day. He’s wearing one of Hermann’s button-up shirts and a pair of the boxers Hermann bought for him the day prior. Part of Hermann wants to give him a speech about appropriate attire for a shared space, but then he thinks about Newt’s absurdly tight jeans and thinks the better of it. Let him be comfortable.

“I thought I could try to teach you to cook something,” Hermann states, holding up a paper grocery bag.

“So no more Chinese takeout?” Newt asks, smiling up at him from his tablet. He’s wearing glasses today and pushes them up his nose.

“I don’t make the sort of money to keep buying dinner for two,” Hermann explains, stepping into the kitchen. “Do you wear the glasses for reading?”

“No, I wear the glasses for glasses. I figured my supply of contacts would run out soon, so I switched to these. No one to impress around here.”

The sleeves of Newt’s shirt, Hermann notes as the other man steps into the kitchen, are a bit too long and it’s a charming look. Newt’s hair is pulled half back, enough to be out of his face, but still showing off the length. It’s still partially damp from the shower he must have taken earlier that day.

“Roll those sleeves up,” Hermann instructs, but then he ends up helping Newt to do so, largely because he takes pride in his clothes and doesn’t want them folded incorrectly. When his fingers graze against Newt’s forearms, he tries to ignore the tiny pricks of electric shock that surge through him for a few moments. He won’t objectify his own client like this.

“Are you always so bossy?” Newt asks, but he looks more fond than annoyed.

“Only when it’s a matter of not ruining my shirts.”

“You hide them underneath your stuffy sweaters anyway.” Newt reaches out, running a hand along Hermann’s vest for a moment. “Really such a shame.”

“You don’t need to do that, Newton.” Hermann takes a step back, frowning.

“Do what?”

“Try to flirt with me to get me to help you.”

“I’m sorry, I’d assumed with the Alan Turing vibes you’re laying down you were-”

“I am. Not that it’s anyone’s business,” Hermann states. “But I’m helping you because it’s my job and because it’s the right thing to do. You don’t have to touch me or call me handsome or anything like that.”

“And if I want to?” Newt steps closer but Hermann only takes another step back.

“You shouldn’t,” he responds tersely. “Let’s make dinner and drop the subject.”

Hermann doesn’t want to make anything too complicated, but he’s been thinking about Newt all day and worrying about him. Mostly wondering if he’s ever really been on his own and how to help him accomplish that. This is absurd, of course, because Newt is nearly thirty years old and can handle learning to cook on his own, but Hermann has nothing better to do tonight and he can certainly say the same about Newt.

They make a simple pasta and veggie dish. The recipe had called for shrimp but Hermann doesn’t eat shellfish and he’s sure Newt will eat most anything given the gusto with which he ate his food last night (and the open takeaway containers sitting on his kitchen table from Newt’s lunch.) Like their dinner the night before, they eat at the table, and Hermann opens a bottle of white wine for them to share.

“So, do you have a boyfriend or something?” Newt asks, far too casually, after he’s finished his dinner.

It takes every ounce of control in Hermann’s body to not choke on his food. He’s not sure if he’s more shocked by the question itself of the fact that he finds it embarrassing for Newt of all people to ask this. Which is absurd, given that not even an hour ago he made it amply clear that he did not want Newt flirting with him.

“No, I do not.” Hermann takes a rather large gulp of his wine to wash down his food. “My job leaves little time for dating these days.”

“You look like the married to the job type,” Newt observes. “Very unfortunate for the young men of Boston.”

“I think they’ll cope,” Hermann answers drily. “Besides, I hear there’s a very wealthy mobster who is newly single.”

Newt stares at him for a few long moments and Hermann inwardly winces. Has he offended him with his attempt at a joke? Instead, Newt tilts his head back and laughs, holding up his glass for Hermann to clink his own against.

“Didn’t think you had it in you to be funny, Herms.”

“I can, on occasion, tell a joke.”

Something about being able to make Newt laugh thrills Hermann, but he refuses to think about why this is.

 

Pentecost pays him a visit the next day, laying out all of the details of the case he’s working against the Precursors. It seems dangerous enough, just potentially dragging his name into the mix, but it’s something that they’re both willing to risk. Hermann feels a little swell of protectiveness at the mention of Newt’s involvement. He understands objectively that Newt’s testimony will be essential once the case is made, but he doesn’t want him to get caught in the crossfire. There’s nothing he wants more for his new friend than to be able to go back to school and get his life back on track.

When he returns, Newt is draped across the sleeper sofa looking profoundly listless. Newt barely glances at him but looks up.

“I'm bored out of my mind, Herms,” he says. “Can we leave this apartment tonight?”

“You do realize that you're in hiding, right?”

“Please.” He leans up on his elbows and looks at Hermann properly. Today his shirt is mostly unbuttoned and he's wearing the track bottoms, at least.

“I suppose if we go for dinner it will be fine.”

“Great!” Newt shoots up, grabbing some of the clothes he's brought with him.

“You'll have to borrow one of my jackets, i will be cold tonight and the fur coat might make you stick out.”

Hermann doesn't bother to really change, he just slips off his sweater and undoes the top button of his shirt. It's good enough. He finds his jacket that is least likely to swallow Newt and sets it over the arm of the couch for him.

When Newt emerges, dressed in skinny jeans and another of his rather low cut tops, Hermann's already waiting in his green jacket. The jacket he's loaned to Newt is still a size or two too large but it suits him. Likely anyone who sees them together will not question it.

Hermann takes Newt to a restaurant a few blocks from his apartment, so they walk together. He figures the fresh air will help Newt's restlessness, plus he hates driving. It hasn't taken long for Hermann to learn that Newt is a talker, he loves to always have something to say. So Hermann lets him talk as they walk and he listens and says what needs to be said. He wonders if Newt is always like this or if he's got an overflow of things he's keeping inside to share. Despite the fact that Newt seems to talk so freely, there are so many gaps in his life that he’s certain Newt would share if asked. Hermann’s just not sure what the right questions are.

The conversation keeps up over dinner, but Hermann is able to cut in more often, to talk more freely about his life and his experiences. He’s usually not the sort to share freely about his life, but he wants to be open with Newt. This is probably a dangerous thought.

“I can’t really imagine you as a kid,” Newt observes, leaning a bit too close. They’d just been sharing embarrassing stories. “I just imagine a small man in a sweater vest.”

“It’s approximately like that.” Hermann offers a tight smile. “My father sent us all off to boarding school at a fairly young age. It’s why I have the accent.”

“I’d just assumed you were British. Or trying to be Sherlock Holmes. Or both.”

“German.”

“Dude!” Newt exclaims, actually bouncing in his seat. “Me too! Moved from Berlin when I was super young, though, that’s why I sound very American.”

“How fortunate for us, I’m Bavarian so we would not be able to understand each other in our native tongue.”

Hermann lifts his glass to his lips, taking a sip of the too sweet wine Newt had insisted on buying for him. When they first arrived, he tried to explain that he would pay and Newt should save his money, but Newt insisted. And so he let his client treat him to a very nice steak dinner. Newt’s on his third glass of wine then and Hermann doesn’t want to tell him to stop, but he also doesn’t want to take him home drunk.

“I think we’d have managed with our native tongues just fine,” Newt says, and Hermann’s reminded yet again of just how close he’s sitting.

Objectively, even if Newt is actually interested in him, he can’t in good faith flirt back. First, Newt is a client. Second, Newt’s last relationship ended only a few days prior and rather traumatically. A man doesn’t leap from a decade long relationship to another with a stranger in the span of a few days. Which isn’t to say Hermann thinks Newt wants a relationship with him, but rather the contrary. He’d be using him for sex. Hermann’s not even opposed to a casual encounter and he’s more than aware that he’s attracted to Newt, but he’s aware of the emotional damage a one night stand could have on Newt.

“Do you even remember German?” Hermann asks.

“Only the very basics, definitely couldn’t hold a conversation in it. Soon as we got to the US, Dad switched over to it completely.”

“That’s unfortunate in its own way.”

“Yeah.” Newt bites his lip as his expression shifts to something more thoughtful. “I’ve lost worse things in my life than that language, though.”

“Your father,” he states in response.

“My father. My future. My partner. My stability and security.”

“I’m your stability,” he adds. “You have a place to stay as long as I have the room, and I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“But why?” Newt asks. “You’ve just met me.”

“Objectively, because you’re the key to one of the most important cases of my career. But also because you’re a person who needs help and I think you’ve got a bright future ahead.”

“I’m not your charity case,” Newt mutters.

“Then how about this. I’m helping you because you’re interesting to me in addition to all of those things,” he explains. “Because you’re a person I like to talk to.”

“That’s acceptable. I like to talk to you too. It’s nice to have someone around who I’m reasonably assured has some sort of moral code and who’s very bright.”

“Reasonably assured?”

“You do work with cops, Hermann.”

Hermann snorts at that. He really can’t refute that point.

 

They end up sitting on the pull out couch, drinking tea. Hermann tries not to comment on the sheer amount of sugar Newt has dumped into his cup because it's really far too much to enjoy the flavor of the tea. Mostly he's distracted by the fact that Newt has changed into comfortable clothes and the invasive thought that accompanies the image that Newt looks like he belongs in Hermann's threadbare blue t-shirt. 

“You're really telling me you've been single for five years?” Newt asks skeptically. “Nothing beyond a first date in that time?”

“Depends what you consider beyond a first date, Newton.”

Newt winks at him. “I mean a second date. Or a third date.”

“There was one man who got to a second date but he stopped communicating afterwards. Why are we talking about this? You don't have the most stellar love life.”

“Hey, I held down a serious relationship for a decade. Whether or not he held it down is up for debate.”

Hermann winces at both the implication and how flippantly Newt handles it. Infidelity or the suspicion of must have been common for him.

“I'm sorry. He was a fool if he cheated on you.”

“I think technically that makes me the fool. Besides, the love was good, and that's not an innuendo. I felt every ego boost a man could feel and a literal boost because he bought me lots of platform shoes.”

“Love isn't just about boosting your ego, Newton.”

“Have you ever been in love, Herms?”

“I had thought I was, but in retrospect I'm unsure.”

“I have some idea what that feels like.” Newt gives him a soft, sad smile and reaches for his hand. It's supportive, the gesture of friendship. There's no reason for his heart to feel like it's climbing up his throat.

“Would you tell me what happened? When you- when you realized you didn't love him anymore?”

“You mean when Jimmy shot a guy in the face in front of me?”

There's at least a decade’s worth of therapy ahead of Newt, Hermann realizes. Maybe more.

“Yes.”

“I wasn't supposed to be home, but I came home early to surprise him. Pretty typical couple stuff, right?”

“Sure.”

“Well I heard some voices in the backyard so I followed them. I'd stepped outside moments before it happened and I just- I froze.” Newt grips Hermann's hand more tightly. “And then there was blood and Jimmy was on the ground with his arms around my waist telling me he was sorry I saw that, like I was some sort of child or someone who could redeem him and I absolutely wasn't. I'm not. There was blood on his face and I wished in that moment he was the man lying dead. Or me.”

“Newton, I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about this, it's so very fresh.”

“No,” Newt answers and shakes his head. “I need to talk about this. Afterwards he- God, that bastard really tried to sleep with me right after killing a man in cold blood. And then I realized that he's probably done just that before and I felt sick to my stomach. I was complicit in this, even if I didn't know.”

“You are not,” Hermann defends. “You didn't know what he's been doing.”

“I turned a blind eye. That's not the same as not knowing.”

Hermann lays his hand over Newt's, wrenches off the vise like grip he's taken off Hermann's hand. It's an odd move, switching hands, but it puts Hermann in control. It lets Hermann protect Newt in some odd and confusing way he can't exactly place.

“And when did you finally leave?”

“The next morning,” Newt explains. “I convinced him to go to bed and then I laid awake all night and just...grabbed everything I could as soon as it was early enough that I knew I could get somewhere safe. I was at Pentecost’s door before he got there at 8 am.”

“That must have been rather daunting.”

“The daunting thing was facing him down without feeling like he was going to send me to jail just for breathing.”

“Yes, he does have that impact on people,” Hermann adds.

“Anyway then he gave me your card, said you'd be able to give me a place to stay and you were working on the case and the rest is history.”

“And here we are.”

“You and I.”

Hermann knows what’s coming next but he doesn’t think quickly enough to stop it. Newt surges forward, pressing his mouth against Hermann’s, nothing beyond a chaste kiss at first, but more than would be considered a friendly kiss. Definitely far more than is considered professional. The thought of having to pull away is awful, the thought of disappointing this man who he barely knows but is becoming very fond of is tragic. Thankfully, he’s saved from the action when he realizes Newt’s kiss has knocked over his tea, spilling it over the mattress. They both pull away.

It’s only a moment before Hermann is standing, on his way to the kitchen for some towels to clean up the spilled tea. Newt remains on the couch looking remarkably hurt given the fact that Hermann didn’t even pull away the way he knew he would have to.

“You need to stand so I can wash the sheets,” Hermann says, but he doesn’t dare look Newt in the eye. He wonders if this would be better or worse if he didn’t want to kiss Newt.

Newt scrambles to his feet them, standing awkwardly by the arm of the couch. “Should I do anything? I didn’t mean to- the tea-”

After a few steeling breaths, Hermann turns to face him. “Newton, you can’t do that. We can’t do that. You’re here because otherwise you’d be in trouble, or dead. I’m here because you’re my client and I’m working a case associated with you.”

“It was just a kiss, Herms. Don’t think too much of it,” Newt answers, rather coolly. 

“I told you before and I still mean it, you don’t have to try to flirt with me or make me like you. I like you just as you are and I’d help you even if I didn’t like you. That’s far from the issue.”

“You tell me that and then you wonder why I try to flirt with you,” Newt states, crossing his arms.

Hermann reaches out and squeezes his shoulder gently. “Plenty of people will like you for who you are, you know. You’re the one who chose to act like you’re something else.”

“You don’t know what I chose to do and didn’t choose to do.”

“Can we just resume things as we were a few moments prior?” Hermann sighs. “I do not want to break the peace when you have no choice but to see me constantly.”

“Fine. We can pretend that didn’t happen and sweep everything, including the way you look at me, under the rug.”

“Newton.”

“I’m really good at that, reading the way someone looks at me and what it means. When I was a kid it was with disgust, like i was a weird creature because I was dirty and awkward. And then it wasn’t much better in college, but then I thought finally, finally someone saw me-” Newt’s blabbering and Hermann can tell there’s tears that are trying to form in his eyes. “And then it turns out that was all a lie! And I spent a decade becoming what someone else wanted me to be.” He’s clenched his fists and for a moment Hermann is unsure if his desire for violence or his desire for sadness will win out.

“And now you have a chance to find someone who sees you for who you are,” Hermann states, taking a step forward towards him.

“And now I’m standing in front of someone who I think does.”

“I think you’re looking for an easy solution after a terrible heartbreak and I want you to consider what you actually know about me and what I know of you. We’ve known each other for a few days and my fondest hope for you is that you do find someone who sees you for who you are, but even if I’m that man, I’m not the man for you.”

The way Newt glances up at him can only be described as radiantly defiant, but it crumbles in a moment. Neither the anger or the sadness has won over. It’s the fear that wins. Newt may think Hermann sees him, and to a degree he’s right. Hermann understands his client very well, but Hermann’s paid to understand people and their motivations very well. But something clicks, no matter the moral alignment, Newt’s spent the past decade of his life under the protection of someone. Before that, he was a child. Now the person who was protecting him is the person he fears and there’s no one to replace that, not in the same way. The more emotionally invested he thinks Hermann is, the safer he likely feels.

“Do you have fresh sheets for this bed at least?” Newt says at length. “I want to go to sleep.”

He doesn’t answer Newt, but instead steps forward and wraps him in his arms. Newt presses his face to Hermann’s shoulder immediately, and he’s not sure if he’s smelling him or crying a bit, but either way Hermann lets him. 

“I do not mean to look at you in a way that objectifies you,” Hermann explains, his mouth pressed against the back of Newt’s hair. “My value for you as a human being outweighs any attraction I may or may not feel towards you. If you happen to feel like this towards me, just by pure chance, once we’re finished with the case, I’ll be more than happy to have a conversation.”

“You do know that you are a genuinely good looking person, right?”

Hermann snorts out a laugh and pulls away, running his hands down Newt’s arms.

“My mother assures me that I look more handsome every time she sees me,” he answers teasingly. 

“And who would you be to argue with your mother?” 

Newt kisses him again, but this time it’s a soft kiss, barely grazing the corner of his mouth. He’s so beyond any true level of professionalism in this case, he should be removed from this, tell Pentecost that Newt needs to stay with someone else because he’s been compromised. The thought of doing so is utterly unbearable.

 

Hermann lays in bed that night, tossing and turning. He’s been trying to understand what Newt must be feeling, having his whole life fall out from under his feet like that. It seems unfair for anyone to go through this, but he also knows that what Newt’s said is true. This happened because he’s turned a blind eye. Newt is not a good person, not particularly so. But he could be, and that’s the fundamental difference. The people he surrounded himself with were irredeemable, but Hermann can see the goodness in Newt, the bright light and the desire for caring kindness.

But what’s the point of dwelling on this? He’s not a good man himself. Obeying the laws or helping to put bad men behind bars does not make someone a good person. He’s been neglecting the human parts of himself, the desire for connection and humanity. But he sees Newt, so alarmingly clear and it frightens him that Newt knows this. Newt knows that he’s attracted to him and Newt knows, even in the early stages of tender feelings, that if Hermann would allow himself to he could love Newt very deeply. This thought is terrifying.

He’s just turned to check his phone for the time when the bedroom door pushes open and he knows Newt is standing in the doorway. Hermann sits up in bed, propped on his elbows.

“Newton, is something wrong?” he asks, his voice feeling rather dry and unpleasant.

“I’ve been thinking about the kiss and everything afterwards.”

“I thought we’d agreed to forget about it-”

Newt steps forward in the darkness and plants a knee on the bed, climbing onto it. Hermann lets him. He’d let this near stranger do most anything he wanted.

“I know I’m fucked up,” Newt explains. “I mean, I spent most of my adult life with a really bad romantic partner, I don’t really have any friends, and I saw a murder a few days ago which was really horrific and terrible.”

“And?”

“I think you’re a little bit fucked up too, Herms. Like when an attractive dude who you’re very attracted to comes onto you, flirts with you a whole bunch, one of your first responses is to apologize for objectifying him. The assumption I know you’re making is correct, I dress and act the way I do to make men attracted to me. And women, I’m not picky. It’s a power thing, for both me and the crazy ex.”

“What is your point?”

“You like me when I’m not doing that. With the glasses on and wearing hideous track pants. And I know there’s other people out there who like that. But you’re the one right in front of me and I like what I see too and I’ve made that abundantly clear.”

“And I said after we get through this we can talk about the potential-”

Newt laughs, rather bitterly. “The likelihood of us both getting through this alive-” He peels back the covers, slipping into the bed. “And being able to be together is pretty slim, bud. I’ve got dirt on one of the scariest mobs in the world and I broke the boss’s son’s heart. Allegedly. If he has one. And your involvement alone puts a big target on your back, and you’re a small fish to fry. I know I’m fresh out of a relationship. I’m not expecting you to be my forever or anything-”

“So you’re saying we might as well enjoy this thing between us while we have the chance?”

“I think I’m saying that your sleeper sofa is really lumpy and you’ve got a king sized bed right here and I’m making myself welcome here unless you have any objections.”

Hermann is very glad the darkness conceals his grin. This is probably not the best way to handle this, he’s emotionally compromised. He’s emotionally involved, but God help him when Newt throws his arm around his waist he knows there’s nothing that can stop him from feeling like his world’s shifting into something entirely new.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter does reference an act that can be considered infidelity but given the conversation around it, is regarded as a morally grey area

Newt’s been sharing his bed for five nights. It really is just that, sharing a bed. The other hours of their day proceed similarly to how they started, Hermann goes to work and then when he comes home they eat dinner and spend the rest of the evening talking or watching television. They usually kiss good morning when Hermann leaves for the day. This morning he even woke Newt up simply for the sake of kissing him.

But it’s nothing more than kissing. As they sleep,  Newt will sling an arm or a leg over his body, but they don’t do much more than sit closely on the couch in the evening. It’s alright, it seems more appropriate than the grandiose promise that seemed to hang between. Newt is a guest in his bed. It’s a convenience and it’s perfectly normal to want to also kiss someone he’s sharing a bed with, it doesn’t mean anything deeper. Least of all that he’s developing feelings for Newt. Real, genuine feelings not based on his desire for physical intimacy alone. He doesn’t have time for these feelings.

Today Hermann’s bringing Thai food home. He’s had a busy day with the case, trying to compile any evidence he can find. Part of this has involved driving around town or doing some surveillance from his car, which makes him feel odd. There’s something so off putting about waiting around in common haunts to catch sight of the ex-boyfriend of the man he’s falling for. Hermann doesn’t want to think about that when he goes home, so instead he concentrates on thoughts of the dangling earring Newt wears in his right ear, how he wants to trail his fingers along it.

Hermann himself has a small, healed hole in his ear from an ill advised piercing as a younger man. It was an act of rebellion and not one he’s likely to revisit. He wonders if Newt’s always had this piercing or if it was after his relationship. He wonders why this matters, given that Newt’s been in a relationship for almost a decade. Well, he isn’t now, and perhaps that’s all the difference in this matter.

When he steps into the apartment, Thai in hand, there’s no light in the living area. He flips on the switch and looks around. There’s no one in sight. Knocking on the bedroom door, there’s no answer so he presses in. That room is equally dark and equally empty. Newt’s under specific instructions to not leave the apartment when he’s alone, but Hermann should have known this may prove to be difficult. Nearly impossible, even.

There’s no sign of anything remotely resembling a struggle, which is promising. Hermann can’t imagine Newt being forcibly removed without a struggle. There’s a note lying across the bed that just reads “out” which is probably too casual for a false note. While the fear settles in, Hermann knows realistically that Newt is most likely okay. He’ll be home soon, probably because he knows Hermann’s home and he shouldn’t be out. Or because he’s hungry or tired. Newt will come back.

Hermann sets the food on the table, not wanting to eat without Newt when he’s certain he’ll be back soon. His phone buzzes in his pocket and he scrambles for it, but it’s just a text from his sister that he can’t help but ignore. The desire to send one to Newt wins over instantly, though, and he sends off something quickly. The last thing he wants is for Newt to be afraid to come back home, so he tries not to sound angry or upset.

The food grows cold and he receives no text back. Pacing is not productive, and unnecessary walking that strains his leg, but he cannot help himself, crossing from one side of the living room to the next. Newt is free to come and go as he chooses, ultimately. He’s not supposed to leave but Hermann can’t make him. The feeling in the pit of Hermann’s stomach means nothing because he has no claim on Newt or his time, and he reminds himself of this. 

Two hours pass by. Hermann’s ready to call someone, he’s worried it’s already too late. The front door open and Newt slips in, wearing Hermann’s coat and a pair of his tight jeans and absurd boots. There’s a canvas bag in Newt’s hand and he freezes as soon as he sees Hermann pacing across the floor.

“Hermann, I-”

Nothing is wrong with Newt, which is the first and most important thing. 

“Where were you?” Hermann asks, concerned.

“You’re not going to like it, Herms.”

“You didn’t-”

“I needed this.” Newt reaches into the bag, pulling out a large photo album. His photo album. “I couldn’t just leave it there.”

“Did you get out undetect-”

Hermann freezes. For a moment he’s worried because there’s a bruise on Newt’s neck, but then he realizes precisely what the bruise is. His stomach clenches and Newt must know because he instinctively reaches up to his neck.

“No.” Newt shakes his head. “He’s usually not home around the time I went in, but he was there today.”

“You could have gotten killed, Newton.” Because ultimately, that is the worst thing than the implication otherwise. He has no claim on Newt, he reminds himself again. They’ve not talked about this thing between them in several days and they’ve done nothing more than share chaste kisses. Jealousy is beneath Hermann.

“I didn’t and I know I could have. But he just...asked where I’d been and I said I was staying with a friend for the week, I needed to cool down for a bit after what I saw.”

Newt settles on the couch, crossing his legs to remove his boots. His practiced grace is gone in the comfort of Hermann’s apartment.

“And he believed you?”

“I don’t know what that man does or doesn’t believe, but I don’t think he believed that lie. I don’t think he cared.”

“He has to suspect that you’ve gone to someone,” Hermann states, standing in front of him.

“I’m sure he did, but all he did was run his hands through my hair and tell me how much he missed me.”

“That isn’t all he did.”

“I didn’t fuck him, if that’s what you’re implying,” Newt snaps, tossing his boot onto the ground. “I did what I had to do to get my family pictures back. Sue me.”

Clearly Newt is not emotionally ready to have the conversation they’d need to have to retain their delicate relationship. Newt’s not emotionally ready for much, apparently.

“How did you get out of there?” Hermann asks.

“Snuck out while he was in the bathroom. Probably not my most delicate move and he may or may not have come running after me, but I managed to get away.”

Hermann settles on the couch next to him, picks up the album that Newt’s put beside him. It’s haphazardly stuffed full of photos, a lifetime’s worth almost. The first pages feature a chubby cheeked baby and a man who looks alarming look Newt. Hermann will likely never understand this level of sentimental attachment to a parent, but that doesn’t mean he can’t feel deeply for Newt’s profound connection to the memory of his father. Despite the tension of the moment he smiles as the pictures progress to a still chubby cheeked but rather grubby looking child, proudly holding up a fish he caught and the man resting a hand on his shoulder.

“You can’t go back there,” Hermann says anyway, because it must be said. “Or if you do go back, it’ll be for good one way or another.”

“This was the only thing I still needed. He can keep every damn thing else, but these are my memories and I need these.”

“You didn’t sleep with him?” Hermann asks because he has to know, even if he has no claim to Newt, he has to know.

“I already said that I didn’t. I wasn’t lying before.” 

_ But you clearly let him kiss you, _ Hermann supplies mentally. But he’s not sure how that conversation will go, so he decides they’re not going to have it then.

“Was the photo album the only thing you took?”

Newt shakes his head and holds the bag he brought in out to Hermann. “Jimmy keeps meticulously detailed journals, I managed to grab a few on my way out, not sure if they’ve got anything but it’s worth a read, right?”

“It’s worth something.” Hermann pulls one of the journals out of the bag, turning it over a few times before opening it. It’s dated about a year prior. “Taking this was very dangerous for you. If he didn’t know you’d gone to someone before, he certainly knows now.”

“I don't expect to see him again. Until I put him behind bars.”

“Newton, I know you're resolved to do this but you know that you need to do some processing. You've been with him for a very long time-”

“I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine.”

Hermann stares for a moment too long at the purple bruise on Newt's neck and he certain neither of them are fine.

 

They eat in silence that night and Newt goes to bed shortly after. Hermann's too interested in Jimmy's journals and cross checking them with other case details to sleep just yet. The man certainly uses his share of codes and cryptic messages in his notes, but Hermann's always been good at cyphers. There's nothing he can't crack with just a bit of time.

Newt's already asleep when he climbs into bed. He lays on his side, keeping enough distance from Newt that he won't reach out to him at the very least. It's not cheating, he reminds himself, if you're not really dating the person. If he does it for self preservation. If he doesn't know that you're mostly in love with him.

That doesn't mean it can't break Hermann's heart all time same.

 

In the morning, Newt wakes up with Hermann and sits up in bed. He's strategically draped his hair to conceal the bruise and he's giving the face he gives when he thinks he's being incomparably pretty. Kissing him then and there would be so easy, and it would be expected, but something in Hermann's stomach sinks and he doesn't know how to make it rise again. He's doubtful that kissing Newt will help, even if he hates the way Newt's face betrays the disappointment he feels when he's not given the good morning kiss he's grown used to in just a few days’ time.

He needs to talk to Newt about it before he thinks of kissing him again and that's all it comes down to. It's not like he sat Newt down and told him he expected monogamy, he expected that if Newt was kissing him, he wouldn't kiss anyone else. Newt was doing what he thought he needed to do to save his album. They'd sat together and looked through the whole thing and it felt incredibly important. Hermann's still allowed to be hurt.

The fabricated reason for Hermann coming home early is that he needs Jimmy's journal. The real reason is that he's worried Newt will have slipped out. He announces his presence loudly as he steps in and receives a greeting from the direction of the bathroom, where the door is wide open. 

Curiosity gets the best of him and he steps inside, giving into the desire to be privy to Newt's grooming routine. What he sees is not what he expects, Newt standing in front of his mirror with scissors in his hand. There are already a few chunks of hair lying on the floor.

“What on Earth are you doing, Newton?” he asks, stepping into the room.

“I'm tired of this stupid hair, the way people look at it and touch it. I want it gone.”

“Those are my kitchen scissors.”

“So I'm improvising.”

Hermann holds out a hand expectantly and Newt hands over the scissors with a sheepish look. Logically, he should return them to the kitchen and let Newt live with the damage he's done to his beautiful hair. Instead, he lifts the scissors and makes another cut. Newt grins beautifully at him.

They don't continue like this, instead Newt ends up perched on the top of the toilet lid (with a towel on top of it, lest some deeply insanitary germs taint his overpriced jeans) as Hermann tries his very best to carefully cut his hair. He's sure Newt can tell that Hermann maintains his own hairstyle, so he can't be expecting anything of real quality.

He misses the hair before it's even gone but he understands why it has to go. Newt needs to make himself anew. Besides, any change like this makes hiding easier, makes Newt blend more into the crowd. Not that Newt is likely to ever be someone who blends into a crowd, but it's a start.

When he's done, Newt stands and eyes himself in the mirror, running his fingers through his hair. Hermann brushes off the stray hairs from his shoulder. Laughter spills out of Newt's throat, almost as though he has no control over it.

“It's hideous, Herms,” Newt says. “Thank you.”

“It's not my finest work,” Hermann responds. It's jagged and it's clear Hermann was afraid to cut his hair too short.

“I look like a mess. A very unattractive mess.” Now Newt's frowning. Is he the sort to never forgive for this type of thing?

“I can fix it.”

“No offense, but I'd prefer it if you don't touch my hair again.”

Hermann takes a step back, trying not to look hurt at Newt's words. Newt must see this, because he immediately reaches for Hermann's hand.

“Like to cut it!” Newt explains. “Fuck, that was not the right thing to say. I didn't mean it like that. I want you to touch me. My hair.”

“We can fix this.”

Newt turns back to the mirror, trying to brush his hair to different angles.

“I don't really see how, dude,” Newt answers.

“Pentecost is coming this evening-”

“The line I'm drawing is shaving it off. That's a really firm line, understood?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you.”

The feeling that settles in Hermann's chest at how easily Newt says this is immense. It overtakes every part of him and it's difficult to resist the urge to kiss him. A compromise within Hermann is reached and he kisses him softly on the forehead.

 

When Pentecost arrives that evening, there’s a teenage girl with shockingly blue hair with him. Newt immediately gives them both a look of surprise.

“Newton,” Hermann cuts in. “This is Miss Mako Mori, Pentecost’s daughter. She’s an expert on hairstyles.”

“I can tell,” Newt says from the couch with a smile. “I like your blue hair. I had green hair briefly as a teen.”

Hermann knows this, he’s seen pictures in the photo album. It was not a good look.

“Thank you,” Mako answers. “Your hair is a bit of a disaster Mr.-”

“Just Newt,” Newt answers. “I’m sure your dad here has told you something about me.”

“I can assure you I have not,” Pentecost cuts in. “Gottlieb and I have some matters to discuss and I ask that you don’t say anything inappropriate around her while she’s fixing your hair.”

“Scout’s honor.” Newt holds up his hand in a Boy Scout Salute and all three other people in the room roll their eyes at him.

Hermann watches as Mako starts carding through Newt’s hair as though she’s analyzing it for a solution. Newt looks confused and concerned, but when he catches Hermann’s eye he smiles at him. For a few long moments, he stares at Newt until Pentecost clears his throat.

“Gottlieb, you said you’ve got some journals from the son?”

“Right.” Hermann steps over to his coffee table, grabbing the journals before he hands them over. “He doesn’t refer to any illegal activity in what I’ve read, but it gives us accounts of where he is day by day and it’s likely we’ll be able to find some dates that don’t line up in the way we expect.”

“You didn’t obtain these yourself?”

“Newton did,” Hermann admits, grimacing. “He- he went back to the house, I have to admit. But he found these and I think that’s beneficial.”

“He didn’t compromise you?”

“N-no,” Hermann answers. Not in that way.

“That didn’t sound confident.”

He glances over to where Newt is sitting with Mako, talking animatedly about music as she snips at his hair. He has to be honest, especially because if Pentecost thinks Hermann’s location is compromised, then the location of his family is compromised.

“Well,” Hermann starts, “I have become-” He lowers his voice. “I have become emotionally compromised.”

“Surely you are joking.”

“We have known each other for several years now, you know I do not joke when it comes to my work.”

“I don’t have a large amount of private investigators I can use for this case, Gottlieb. I recommend you make yourself not compromised.”

“It has not impacted my work,” Hermann states. “But I did want to be honest with you, in case the matter comes up in the court case.”

“Let’s talk about this case, I do not want to discuss your personal life.”

Hermann did always admire Pentecost’s dedication to professionalism. They settle at Hermann’s table and hash out some details of the journals and some new evidence that has come to Pentecost’s attention. It’s still going to be months until they can likely press charges and Hermann wonders if Newt will last that long in Hermann’s apartment.

By the time they’re done, Newt and Mako are laughing on the couch, talking about Newt’s awful taste in music when he was Mako’s age. Newt’s hair is cut into the semblance of an attractive style, it’s still long enough that Hermann could run his fingers through it, but less distinctive. It would be far easier for Newt to blend into a crowd which was the goal all along from Hermann’s perspective.

When Newt realizes the other men are no longer talking about work he rises and moves over towards to Hermann to show off his new haircut. Hermann has to resist the urge to ask if he can touch it, but he smiles warmly at him.

“Do I look acceptable?” Newt asks. 

“It’s much better than the haircut I gave you,” Hermann answers. He’s yet again distracted by the single earring dangling from Newt’s right ear.

“Do you need anything from me, Mr. Pentecost?” Newt asks, resting a hand on Hermann’s shoulder. 

“You did great work with the journals,” Pentecost says. “But I do ask you to obey Gottlieb. If you leave his apartment again without him, we can’t be responsible for protecting you.”

“That’s fine. I had a very specific reason to leave and I know what I’m risking when I leave this apartment. I fully intend to live long enough to see this case you’re pursuing through.”

Hermann sees the exactly moment Pentecost catches sight of the bruise on Newt’s neck. If Hermann’s statement about being emotionally compromised wasn’t clear before it’s clear now, never mind the irony that Hermann had nothing to do with the bruise.

“I should hope your goal is to live longer than that,” Pentecost states as he rises. “You two behave yourselves. Gottlieb, I trust you to remain professional and not do anything you would regret.”

“Don’t worry, I’m keeping a good eye on him,” Newt answers, winking at him.

Pentecost is not amused, Hermann’s not amused either.

 

The apartment is suffocatingly quiet after Pentecost and Mako leave. Newt’s mostly distracted by the reality of his new hairstyle, now that he’s not worried about it being wholly unappealing. He runs his hands through it, tries out a variety of styles in Hermann’s mirror while Hermann makes them pasta for a late dinner.

Hermann insists he has to do work through dinner and he’s certain that Newt only pretends to believe him, poking at the food on his plate more than eating it.

“Hermann-” Newt begins at length.

“Yes?” Hermann looks up from his laptop.

“You’re upset with me.”

“Don’t worry about it, Newton. This isn’t about you.”

“Is this about Jimmy?” Newt asks, biting his lip.

With a sigh, Hermann snaps his laptop shut and pushes it aside.

“I’m the one who insisted we don’t pursue our...feelings for each other, so it’s understandable that you didn’t understand my intentions or the meanings I assign to the sort of intimacy we’ve been sharing.”

“I had to act like nothing was wrong.”

“I know that, which is why I said this is not about you. My jealousy is entirely something within me. Besides, you have a decade of history with him, it’s only natural that-”

“Yeah, I let him kiss me because it’s the only way I could think of to get out of there.”

“The only way was to let him suck on your neck?” Hermann asks, quirking a brow.

Newt frowns across the table at him. “Do you want me to say I’m sorry? That I regret it? That I’ll never do anything to hurt you?”

“Newton, it’s fine. I understand why you did it.” And he does. He can’t conceive of being in Newt’s situation, but he thinks he would do the same. “I think I’m just angry because I have not made it clear enough what I expect out of this. And now I understand that we shouldn’t. Because it could have a negative impact on the case.”

“Oh.” 

“If I work the case and also date the star witness that could lead to...complications.”

“So you want to date me?” Newt rises to his feet and steps around the table.

“I suppose.”

Resting his hands on Hermann’s shoulders, Newt leans down and kisses him gently. Hermann thinks only for a few moments about the fact that he is not the last person Newt kissed, because that seems inconsequential. It’s not a deep kiss, but Hermann knows with an odd certainty that Hermann will be the only person he’s kissing for a long while and that’s enough.

“The way I see it,” Newt says when he pulls away. “We don’t need to tell anyone but each other. We can go public after we’ve got everyone locked away, right?”

That’s not exactly how this works, and Hermann knows what it’s like to live with a secret about his love life. Keeping his sexuality in the closet is one thing, but keeping an entire person he has feelings for hidden away is a whole other matter. But there’s nothing to be done about it, unless he wants to be taken off the case. He can’t make himself stop having feelings for Newt.

“I like your hair,” is all Hermann says, because it’s all he can say without exposing his feelings. “It suits you. Next time I go to the store, I can purchase some products for you to style it.”

He wraps an arm around Newt’s waist and pulls him closer. It’s a bold move and one that’s rewarded with Newt’s hand running through his hair.

“I need to shower,” Newt comments. “I feel like I’m covered in tiny hairs. It’s sort of itchy.”

“Do  _ you _ like your hair?”

“It’s a change.” Newt runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve had it grown long for over half a decade now. I liked it, but I can’t tell if I preferred it that way or I was just used to it. Either way, it was Jimmy’s idea and it felt good to get some control back by cutting it off.”

“If there are any other changes you would like that I can help you with, I’d be happy to help.”

“I’m adapting enough to the thread count of the sheets in your apartment.”

Hermann snorts. “You’re spoiled rotten, aren’t you?”

“I’m used to a different lifestyle. I think I’m doing alright, given the fact that I used to have a master bedroom suite the size of this entire space.”

“I apologize that being a private investigator does not pay well,” Hermann states drily. “You should know that if you are interested in being romantically involved with me, I cannot offer you anything that resembles luxury.”

“I’ll adapt. Re-adapt. I’m not saying I’ll be happy about it, but I’ll learn again.”

Newt rather abruptly settles into Hermann’s lap, draping his arms around him. The gesture is endearing, charming, but it has the practiced grace that Newt’s been slowly shedding. It’s intended to be seductive, Hermann notes. This is a man who’s become very smart with how he uses his body in his interpersonal relationships and it’s not manipulation necessarily, but it’s deliberation. He wants to see Newt unguarded, without these pretenses.

“And I’ll attempt to find a thread count that you find more satisfactory,” Hermann says before he presses a kiss to Newt’s mouth. He can feel Newt’s smile against his mouth.

“Any chance I can convince you to share my shower with me, handsome?”

“No.” 

“Your rejection wounds me,” Newt teases, rubbing his cheek against Hermann’s. There’s some stubble on his face and Hermann finds it pleasant.

“Go shower, Newton.”

“Mhm,” Newt hums and kisses Hermann quickly before he stands. 

Despite his insistence that he not join Newt, he gives an appreciative glance to his backside as he saunters off to the bathroom. When he hears the shower turn on, Hermann cleans up his apartment for the night, rinsing his dishes before he puts them in the sink. They had a late dinner and Hermann can’t think of anything he’d rather do than sit in bed and read a book. Well, he can certainly think of one thing he’d rather do than sit and read, but the book is a strong second choice.

When the shower turns off, Hermann’s already reading in bed, his reading glasses low on his nose. Newt’s singing to himself as he enters the room, holding a towel around his waist. Hermann looks up and immediately blushes. This is the first he’s seen Newt’s body and the first time he’s been near an attractive mostly naked man in a long while.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were already here,” Newt says, but he doesn’t look bothered.

“I thought I’d get some reading done.” Hermann puts his book down, a bit too pointedly in his lap. He averts his gaze.

“You can keep looking, you know. I don’t mind.” Newt winks at him.

“I-”

“There’s nothing wrong with giving into our desires. We’re already sharing a bed, we’re already kissing. If one or both of us ends up dead from this, I’d prefer knowing we were sharing something else.”

“Well, then.” Hermann’s certain he’s bright red and cannot be sexy at all.

“Yes?”

“Perhaps you could drop the towel.”

Newt does so without ceremony or pretense. His body is softer than it looks in his tight clothes, pleasantly compact and well maintained. Hermann wants to admire it all but he’s only human and can’t help but take in the sight of Newt’s hardening cock. The blush on his cheeks only deepens further. Newt likes that Hermann’s looking at him like this, judging by his reactions.

“Now, I think it’s only fair that you return the favor,” Newt states.

Hermann fumbles with his shirt, tugging it over his head. Newt’s in the bed and slipping under the covers within a few moments, running a hand along Hermann’s newly exposed chest before Hermann can remove his glasses to rest on the nightstand.

“See, I knew you were hiding something under those sweaters,” Newt adds. “Can I see the rest of you?”

They pull the blankets back and Hermann lifts his hips to shed his bottoms. Newt, so well maintained and used to artificial beauty, who spent so long preening and presenting himself like a gift, leans down immediately. He kisses along the scar tissue on Hermann’s leg, the remnants of surgeries of years past. Remarkably he doesn’t ask about the scars. Their pasts no longer matter.

His fingers reach for Newt’s face, stroking his cheek gently, which prompts him to sit up. Newt leans in and kisses Hermann hard as he settles into his lap.

“I have condoms. In my nightstand,” Hermann explains. “And lubricant. If you are interested.”

“If  _ I’m _ interested?” Newt laughs. “You can just say you want to fuck me, honey.”

“I want to do what you’d like to do best.”

Newt places a kiss to the tip of Hermann’s nose before he opens the nightstand drawer, pulling out both the condoms and lube. Rather than move right into the main act, Hermann pulls Newt close again, continuing the kissing. He’d certainly intended to kiss him for a while longer because even kissing like this is new, after their chaste pecks over the past several days. His fingers trail along Newt’s side, feeling the way his body shifts and shivers at the touch.

The warm insistence of Newt’s mouth trails away from Hermann’s mouth, peppering soft kisses along his jaw. There’s the faintest scrape of teeth against his jaw and he groans, digging his fingers into Newt’s side. Newt gasps like he’s had a brilliant idea and then reaches for Hermann’s hand, moving it towards his mouth. He sucks two fingers into his mouth, running his tongue along them and making a show of it. Hermann can’t tear his eyes away as he watches this perfect facsimile of sucking someone off. The pleasure on Newt’s face as he rolls his eyes back isn’t entirely put upon, or at least Hermann wants to hope so.

When Newt’s content with this, he slips Hermann’s fingers out of his mouth.

“I think you know what to do with these, hmm?” Newt says, teasing as he opens the lube, squirting some onto Hermann’s fingers.

“I might be out of practice, but I have slept with someone before, yes.”

The angle is a bit awkward, as he has to reach around Newt to fuck him with his fingers, but it allows them to kiss which is ideal. Kissing Newt is quickly becoming his very favorite thing to do, chasing that mouth and tasting every bit of him. Oh, there’s so many places he still has to kiss and how fortunate that Newt’s not going anywhere and he’s certainly not going anywhere.

He starts to finger Newt in earnest, slipping two fingers in and out of him, and Newt rocks against him, his eager cock spreading precome against his stomach.

“Darling,” Hermann practically purrs. “Do you need more or are you ready for me?”

“Was ready for you ages ago,” Newt responds and he keens when Hermann withdraws his fingers. Hermann sets to work on rolling on the condom.

“It’s easiest for me if I’m on bottom but if there’s- if there’s a position you prefer I can manage,” Hermann explains.

“This is fine, handsome.” Newt shifts back and squirts some of the lube onto his hand so he can stroke Hermann’s cock. “We can try out another position next time.”

Newt sinks down on his cock a bit too quickly and Hermann yelps. This makes Newt laugh, and he runs his hands along Hermann’s chest. They stay still for a few long moments until Newt starts to roll his hips. He feels tight and warm and a bit too perfect. It feels too good to be true, having this with Newt. When he’s given himself a moment to process, he thrusts up into him, bracing his feet against the bed.

“Can I touch you?” Hermann asks.

“Dude, you’re inside of me, I think you can touch my dick.”

“Are you always this mouthy during sex, Newton?”

Hermann wraps a hand around his cock, starts to stroke him slowly, teasingly. Newt keens at the touch.

“You’ll have to find out, won’t you?”

The desire to let Newt know what an honor or pleasure it’ll be to find out is about to burst forth, but he stops himself. Now is not the time, he wants to wait. So he kisses Newt, wraps his arms tightly around him and thrusts up into him in earnest. Newt scrambles for purchase, scratches along his back, not hard enough to leave marks but hard enough to add to the pleasure, to give that faintest twinge of pain to the joy of fucking. He starts to stroke Newt in earnest, knowing he himself won’t last much longer.

“Hermann, just a bit harder,” Newt commands. “Just a bit-”

He fucks up into him harder, despite the difficulty of the position. Newt’s bouncing in earnest when he comes, clenching down on Hermann’s cock. It’s only a few moments later that Hermann follows, making a guttural sound. They breathe together in the aftermath, sharing a grin.

“I’m er-” Hermann begins. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Very.” Newt kisses his cheek before climbing off of him. He helps roll off the condom and stands on shaky legs to drop it in the small waste bin in the bathroom. “How are you feeling?” he asks when he returns.

“Wonderful, thank you.”

Newt smiles at him as he folds his glasses and places them on the nightstand. Once he’s safely under the covers, Hermann reaches over and switches off the light. Newt’s hand rests on Hermann’s chest and Hermann lays his own on top of it. Now that there’s nothing but darkness and the feeling of Newt breathing beside him. Everything’s bound to come tumbling out.

“Newton?” Hermann says, hesitating.

“You’ve got about five seconds until I fall asleep,” Newt answers.

“I’m falling in love with you.”

“I know,” he states fondly. “In case you couldn’t tell, I have feelings for you too.”

Everything feels right. Of course, it’s right in the way where Hermann knows in the pit of his stomach that it won’t be long until something goes horrifically wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, the chapter count went from 3 to ? - I'm hoping to round this out in 1 more chapter but! Just in case!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few warnings: this chapter contains genre typical mentions of gun violence, and allusions to unhealthy relationships/grooming behavior- none of this is done in a way that is condoned by our protagonists.

They spend the next day in bed. To be fair, they’re not consistently in bed, but they do end up there every few hours. Newt teases Hermann for his insistence that sex takes place in the bed but Hermann does not budge. Yet. The truth is he doesn’t need to have memories of Newt that he can’t erase in every spot of his apartment, not yet. 

By the end of their blissful period, Hermann does have to put his foot down. He has work to do and he’s sure Newt doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life shut up in Hermann’s apartment. (When he voices this concern to Newt, he says something about not minding it at the moment, which is appreciated but a bit too rich in innuendo to be taken seriously.) Hermann does work from home, though, as a compromise. Hermann’s not sure what his or Newt’s future is going to hold, and he’s going to take this honeymoon period for what it is.

“You’re really into the earring,” Newt states casually from across the table. They’re sat down for breakfast, which means tea for Hermann and carbs for Newt. “You’ve been staring at it a bunch.”

“I like the way it looks,” Hermann responds, refusing to look up from the paper he’s reading.

“You like the way all of me looks. You’re _ into  _ the earring.” That’s fair, but Hermann is definitely into most everything about Newt, his softly rounded face, his fingers, his hair. The hair has been a real point of interest, given how thick it is and how nice it looks now that Newt’s started to style it. He does something to the top of it, just an artful mussing so it looks intentionally disheveled that works a bit too well.

“Does that bother you?” Hermann does look up then, catching sight of the earring dangling from Newt’s right ear. There are others at the top of his ears, delicate hoops of silver, but they don’t have as much appeal, they don’t lure Hermann in.

“No, it’s just nice to know what you like about me.”

Hermann furrows his brow. “I like everything about you. The tight jeans and the glasses and the way you snore and the croissant crumbs you're getting all over my table.”

“I feel like that last one was a personal attack on me.” Newt laughs, covering his mouth possibly to keep more crumbs from spilling. “But thanks, I like all of you too, including the ugly sweaters you hide most of the best parts under.”

“Most.”

“You’ve got some pretty good parts not on your torso, Herms, but you are surprisingly built in the chest area. And the arms.”

Newt is blushing and Hermann can only guess what he’s thinking about.

“You have very nice parts most anywhere,” Hermann responds.

“Oh, aren’t you the smooth talker.” Newt winks at him, then shifts into something serious. “I really appreciate it, though. The enthusiasm for me no matter- any way I am.”

“Newton, that should be the standard in a relationship. The last thing I want is for you to think you need to act or dress a certain way for me. I know that with- in your previous relationship, I can assume that much of the way you present yourself is put upon. But I want you to be your authentic self.”

“You mean I didn’t just naturally start dressing like, what would you call it with your accent? A tart?”

“That is a derogatory term but yes, approximately that.”

“Some part of it is fun.” Newt shrugs. “I like the way people look at me when i dress that way, I actually like the big fur coat. I just don’t like feeling like it’s the only way people like me to look.”

Hermann frowns. He supposes this is the crux of the issue at hand.

“You’ve spent a long time worrying about being a perfect partner for someone who likely didn’t put in similar effort, or really appreciate what you were giving him.”

“You’re gonna try to get me to go to therapy, huh?” Newt asks, staring down at his plate.

“It sounds like you’ve reached this conclusion all on your own, Newton.” Hermann collects his extra mug and stands to take Newt’s plate as well. He carries them both into the kitchen. Newt follows him, hopping up onto the counter beside the sink while Hermann starts on the dishes.

“Can’t we just have a whole bunch of sex until I’m done feeling traumatized by my only relationship?” Newt suggests. 

“I’m afraid that’s not how this works and I’m not making you do anything, but you’re clearly thinking about this already.” Hermann rolls up his sleeves and starts to wash the dishes from breakfast.

“I’m serious. Kind of. It’s nice to be with someone who...listen I don’t want you to feel bad for me, because I’ve gone into this willingly. Eyes open, at least as far as the dynamics of the relationship, but it’s nice to be with someone who I don’t feel like I have to try to make them enthusiastic about being with me.”

“Newton,” Hermann exhales. “Darling.” He leans in to kiss him softly, disregarding that the water is running or his hands are soapy. Newt’s running his fingers along his jawline, down his neck, teasing just underneath his shirt before they undo the top button. Reluctantly, Hermann pulls away. “Being with someone who is enthusiastic about you is...that’s the standard, like I said. That’s what everyone should have. I’m not special for seeing how brilliant you are, that’s the secret of this whole matter.”

One day, after Newt’s had time to recover, after Newt’s got to have the life he wants, Newt may realize being with Hermann was a mistake. And that’s alright, Hermann knows, because it’ll mean he’s doing alright and living the life he deserves. He’ll deal with heartbreak if it means Newt can be happy.

 

Newt’s spread all of his things out on Hermann’s bed while he showers. Dressing for the day, when he knows he’s going to leave the apartment, always turns into an ordeal. Hermann knows Newt’s trying not to seem ungrateful, but he also is heavily opposed to wearing anything but the best and most flattering clothing when he can. Wearing Hermann’s jacket is one thing, but wearing an oversized button down in public is another issue altogether. For the past several days, Hermann’s sat patiently and watched Newt try on several different outfits, as though he can magically make new clothes appear.

Among Newt’s items, Hermann finds the box he’d noticed on his first night. It’s sleek and made of wood and there’s a lock on it. Finding the combination is a bit too easy and Hermann can’t resist, sitting on the edge of the bed as he flips it open. His original assumption was correct, of course, there’s some very expensive looking jewelry in the box, mostly earrings or rings, and a few little notes, tokens of love mostly dated to half a decade or more past.

Hermann’s not looking at those things, though, because his eyes glance down rather pointedly at the gun. Of course Newt has a gun, he’s been dating a dangerous man. Even if he had no intention of using it, even if he’s never thought of using it, it would be the first thing to think to grab when running away from someone who would try to hurt him. He lifts it gingerly from the box, checks that the safety is on before he tests the way it feels in his hand.

His general distaste for weapons is part of the reason why Hermann never considered working directly for the police. There’s a cowardice in guns and also a power that no single person should have over the lives of others. Part of him is surprised that Newt would want this so soon after seeing the destruction created by a gun, but it seems far more practical to have it. Besides, it was likely already secured in the box with the jewelry and the notes and it would have been foolish for Newt to leave anything of such high value behind. Hermann wonders if Newt knows how to fire a gun.

_ He _ certainly does, he’s taken the precautions that come with the job. The temptation to aim and shoot is always in the back of his mind when he’s got his hands on one, but he can control it. He must control it. There’s better ways to channel his aggression or his desire to distribute justice. Despite everything, though, he does not return the gun to the box. 

 

“You’ve seen pictures of my dad,” Newt says as they’re lying in bed that night. They’d gone out to dinner, to get Newt out of the apartment for a few hours. It’s the first night since they started sleeping with each other that they simply changed into their night clothes and climbed into bed. Hermann’s holding Newt’s hand against his chest and he feels at peace. He hopes Newt feels the same way. “But I don’t know anything about your family.”

“I believe I told you that my father sent me away to boarding school at a young age,” Hermann explains. Maybe it’s easier to talk about this because the lights are off. “He’s not exactly the best father in the world, but he’s not the worst either. Just distant. Four children was a lot of noise for him, I think.”

“Let me guess, you’re a middle child?”

“Third of four,” Hermann answers. “Technically that makes me one of the middle children. I’m assuming from your photos that you’re an only child.”

“Can’t you tell by how spoiled I am?” Newt teases, pressing a kiss to Hermann’s shoulder through his t-shirt.

“I think it’s more your self-reliance and ability to adapt to situations, but yes, being spoiled is a contributing factor.”

He doesn’t want to change Newt, but he also knows there’s a lot of work ahead of them, given his disdain for off the rack clothing and seeming inability to realize he has to do the dishes as well as Hermann. 

Newt shifts in bed, sitting half up as though to see Hermann better, even though Hermann knows he can’t see anything in the dark, least of all without his glasses.

“Do you think we really have a case?” Newt asks, his voice cracking.

“I think with the contradictions Pentecost and I found in the journals and your testimony in court, we can at the very least get Jimmy behind bars for long enough to gather what we need to send him to prison forever.”

“It still feels kinda wrong, even though I know it shouldn’t. I thought I’d- I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and now I’m trying to- you know.”

“I mean it when I say that you don’t have to, Newton.” Hermann shifts up and leans over to switch on the light. “We can move forward with the evidence we have, it may take longer but I’m not going to force you to speak.”

“I guess I’m just...a coward. I want them all in jail, every last one of them, but isn’t that awful of me? They were my friends. He was my lover.”

Hermann rubs Newt’s arm reassuringly. “What you’re doing is incredibly brave. You’re giving up a network of people who cared about you in their own way and throwing yourself out in the world because you know it’s the right thing.”

“Dude, I’m terrified. They could hurt me, they could kill me and even if I get out of this, what if I’m all alone? I haven’t ever been alone.”

“You’re not, you’re not.” Hermann pulls him to his chest, wraps his arms tightly around him. “I’m not going anywhere, you know. I’m staying right here. If you testify, I’m here. If you don’t, I’m here.”

“I feel like I’m putting a big target on your back.”

“If you want to be precise,” he pauses to drop a kiss to the top of Newt’s head, “Pentecost put the target on my back by giving you my card. He could have chose any other Private Investigator in this city, but he chose me.”

“Maybe he just assumed we’d have the raw sexual tension so it’d be like one of those black and white movies.”

Hermann snorts as he starts to run a hand through Newt’s hair.

“Well he coulda come to see any dick in town,” Newt continues, laughing at his own joke as he narrates a false story. “But he showed up at my office, wouldn’t you know it? He had legs for days-”

“Of all the things I would never say that, you’re rather short.”

“He had legs for days,” Newt repeats. “And an ass crafted by the heavens. There he was in his overpriced fur coat, looking like he wanted to smoke a few cigarettes.”

“Do you smoke?”

“No, it’s about setting up the image, babe,” Newt teases, pulling away enough to look at him. “I’m mysterious, sauntering into your office with my red lipstick and my outfit that shows off my curves.”

“The only thing I noticed when you walked into my office was that absurd coat and your even more absurd boots that look like they belong to a go-go dancer.”

“It’s so my legs look like they go on for days.”

“I must admit, I don’t care how long they are, so long as they’re wrapped around my waist.”

Newt grins at him and kisses him, gently at first, but then more insistent when Hermann responds with a pleased noise. They stay like this for a few long moments and Newt only pulls away after he’s had his fill.

“You’re very smooth,” Newt says, a bit breathless, “when you want to be.”

“Or i know how easily you respond to innuendo.”

Hermann smiles as Newt’s hand slides under his shirt, resting on his stomach. It’s difficult not to be a little bit too much in love with him when he’s so soft like this. Hermann’s tried not to be the sort of fool who falls for someone too soon or too easily and he knows he can barely classify the amount of time he’s known him as weeks. More importantly, though, he doesn’t care. The feeling of being with Newt is exhilarating and it won’t last forever, unless he’s very lucky, so he’s going to hold onto it while he can.

“Can I get back to my sexy story about me and the dick?” Newt says and Hermann knows he’s trying to be sexy but he can’t help but laugh.

“Darling, while I appreciate that you know more than one word for detective, I’m not sure that’s going to get me into any sort of mood. I’m particularly tired tonight, I’m sure you understand.”

“Oh, I’m not in the mood either. I’d just assumed since there was kissing and flirting-”

“No need to assume. I can assure you that I’m not particularly interested in doing much more than sleeping tonight. But I’m sure sometime tomorrow I’ll be more than eager to give in to your bad innuendos and seduction attempts.”

Newt settles back down on the bed, resting his head on Hermann’s chest. His hand is still laid on Hermann’s lower stomach, a comfortable and warm gesture. 

 

The next day, Hermann goes on a stakeout. Newt had tried to convince Hermann to take him along, but seeing as he’s doing surveillance on Newt’s old home, it wasn’t the best choice. The house in question is rather large, not precisely a mansion, but still evocative of the typical home of a very wealthy man. There’s a balcony overlooking the backyard which Hermann suspects leads to what was once Newt’s bedroom. When he looks at the full set-up, he feels wholly inadequate. He can never offer Newt anything comparable to this.

He waits for hours, watching the comings and goings of the house, only there isn’t really anything. Jimmy doesn’t appear, nor does anyone else. According to the journals, Jimmy is almost always home around this time. This could be a discrepancy, or a coincidence. Either way, Hermann can’t wait around for too long, for fear of being obvious. For fear of being caught.

On the drive home, he decides he’s going to take Newt for dinner, even though they’d just gone the night before. He feels a strange urge to compete, to prove that he can provide for Newt, so he texts Newt and tells him to get dressed so they can go. 

Surprisingly, he only waits a few minutes when he’s arrived outside of his building. Newt slips into the passenger side, wearing his skinny jeans and Hermann’s jacket. 

“Thought you insisted you couldn’t afford to eat out so much,” Newt says, grinning at him.

“I changed my mind, just for tonight. I’m sure you won’t mind.”

“I don’t, I really don’t know how so many people just cook for themselves every night. It’s exhausting.”

“You’ve done the cooking maybe twice, Newton,” Hermann states as he turns the engine back on. “And you never do the dishes, which I suppose is something we’ll have to discuss.”

“You gonna break up with me over dishes?”

“Hmmm, it’s a thought, but highly unlikely.”

“Good, because I’m getting used to this. To us.”

Newt reaches for his hand and usually Hermann would be against holding hands while driving, but it feels right for the occasion so he allows it.

 

They’re out later than planned for dinner, Hermann’s honestly surprised the restaurant didn’t kick them out. They’d talked and flirted and gotten perhaps a bit too handsy at the table, but it was all a bit too perfect for either of them to care. It was a nice restaurant, too, the type of place that puts a real strain on Hermann’s savings, but he doesn’t care. Newt is worth every penny. Their laughter carries through the entryway as they step into the apartment. The feeling of something being wrong seeps in and Hermann freezes, throwing a defensive arm across Newt’s chest.

“Oh please, I’m not gonna hurt him,” a voice carries over from the couch. The man it belongs to is handsome, relatively nondescript, probably about half a decade older than either of them. Definitely taller and broader than either of them, with a well coifed haircut and a far too styled look. He rises slowly and deliberately and approaches. Hermann should have known Jimmy would make an appearance.

“We could just leave now,” Hermann says. “Run back out that door.”

“That’s very cute. As though I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

Hermann finally lowers his arm, reaching blindly for Newt’s hand so he can lace their fingers together. They try to inch back towards the door.

“He’s not doing anything wrong,” Hermann states. He’s been around more dangerous men but this seems worse somehow.

“Right, of course. My boyfriend decided to leave his comfortable home to come live with a private investigator to not rat me out. Which, by the way sweetheart? You’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel here. If you wanted to try something new, we can find a scrawny little librarian to bring into the bedroom.”

“Fuck off,” Newt snaps, he’s holding Hermann’s hand tightly enough it threatens to cut off the circulation.

“Oh God, you actually are fucking him, aren’t you?” Jimmy laughs outright. “I was joking, but of course you are. Can’t keep someone around without using your body for it, huh?”

“You’ll not speak to him like that,” Hermann defends. “And you’ll get out of our home this instant.”

Jimmy’s eyebrows shoot up towards his hairline. “Your home? Shared? He’s not that good, you know. I’ve had better.”

“Then go keep having that and leave us alone.”

“You gonna promise to not speak against me?” Jimmy tilts his head, looking pointedly at Newt.

“No,” Newt answers. “Absolutely fucking not, you bastard. You literally- you killed a man in our home, then you tried to act like you wanted forgiveness and all I wanted to be then was dead.”

“Newton,” Hermann says, his voice small. “Don't.”

“Listen to him, baby,” Jimmy responds, taking on a tone that is something between cruel and soothing. “I'm just here to take you home. No one's gonna get hurt.”

“This is my home now, James.” Newt squeezes Hermann's hand. “I don't want anything else from you but to leave me alone.”

“Then someone's gonna get hurt.”

Newt surges forward then and Hermann can't stop him. He's raised two hands in the threat of an attack, but Jimmy stops him before he can move, wrenching one of his arms behind his back painfully.

“You always were a bit of an idiot.” Jimmy chuckles and presses a kiss to Newt's cheek. “Tell me, were you already with him when you lied to me? Came back saying how much you missed me?”

“That's none of your business.”

Hermann's frozen for a moment before he lurches forward, and it only takes a moment for Jimmy to pull out the gun from his waistband, keeping it fixed on Hermann.

“Maybe don't try that Mr. Detective? I'm just here to collect my property. He knows the rules by now, he'll be fine and forgetting all about you in a couple of days.”

“We'll leave you alone,” Hermann stutters out, holding up his hands. “But he's staying with me.”

“Oh, that's sweet. Very romantic, as though it matters. He's my sweetheart, though. Probably couldn't tie his shoes without me.”

“He's a Goddamn PhD candidate,” Hermann snaps. “Who you groomed into-”

There's a pained look in Newt's face and Hermann's not sure if it's due to the pain or something fresh he's realized. Newt has been groomed.

“He was a mess who kept weeping in his room. And I told him to stop worrying and stay with me forever. He's the one not upholding his end of the bargain with his ugly haircut and...fucking random men.”

“He's better than you, asshole,” Newt mutters. There's the sound of something snapping then and Newt cries out in pain. 

“Don't!” Hermann exclaims. “There has to be a compromise.”

“He comes with me or I kill you both, how about that? Would you like that, sweetheart?” Jimmy lowers his voice, speaks a bit too tenderly. “Would you like me to shoot your lover? I can pretend to ask your forgiveness then and then take you on his-"

Hermann's hands are shaking until he reaches into his waistband, tugging out the gun. Newt's gun. 

“I don't care if you kill me but if you think you can hurt him again-”

Jimmy laughs. “Do you think it's that easy?” He shifts his own gun towards Newt, pressing it into his hip. “We've had our eyes on you the whole time. Ever since his little indiscretion and while he's a nice piece of ass, despite being a little weirdo, I can always get another.”

Hermann's not even sure if Jimmy is going to pull the trigger, he doesn't care. He pulls the trigger on his gun and a shot rings out, followed by another.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short one but a conclusion. ;)

The blood soaks through everything, Hermann notes, when he’s collected himself, when the haze has passed him by and he’s seated in the back of an ambulance. Newt’s there too, dazed and disoriented but he’ll probably be okay. Probably is better than their odds back in the apartment. There’s blood on Hermann’s jacket, on Newt’s shirt and jeans, but it’s mostly not Newt’s blood. The blood on Hermann’s hands, though, is and he stares down at them as they shake. This seems like far too much blood, and he wonders if he’ll ever wash it free or if he’ll see it every time he looks at his hands for the rest of his days.

He was pressing against the wound, that’s all. There’s still plenty of blood still pumping through Newt’s veins, he knows, even if he looks pale and withdrawn and like he might pass out at every moment. Tears streak Newt’s face and Hermann wants nothing more than to touch him, to wipe them away but he can’t, he won’t. There’s something wrapped around Newt’s arm, where the bullet grazed against his precious skin. Hermann’s jacket is ruined but that seems so profoundly inconsequential, Hermann is grateful for anything that diminished the thread of the bullet.

Newt must hate him. Newt has to hate him after what he’d done. He was no better than Jimmy, taking a life. If he’d thought, he could have aimed better, disarmed him, jostled him in a way where a bullet didn’t graze Newt’s arm and Jimmy didn’t end up slumped on the ground. Nothing, he was nothing. There was nothing of Jimmy left in this world besides a body. And Hermann made Newt going through the ordeal of watching a man die in front of him all over again.

This was worse though, wasn’t it? This was a man Newt had loved for many years and that sort of feeling didn’t just fade into oblivion the way Jimmy himself had. The words Newt had said haunt him in a way he didn’t suspect. “That love was gone. In a moment.” A singular pulled trigger to destroy a lifetime of possibilities. Now Hermann supposes he won’t have to wonder if things can work between them, if they can be happy together, because he’s ruined those chances.

Still, he watches Newt carefully, the way he looks so pale. He’s clutching his left hand, the one that had been wrenched behind his back. Something is broken, likely some fingers, but these will heal. One last time for Jimmy to hurt him. The very last time. The grazed arm Hermann takes credit for. Jimmy shot as a reaction to Hermann’s foolishness, if Hermann hadn’t, there would only be one injury to contend with.

“You need to lie back,” a paramedic says, and Hermann didn’t realize he was doing anything wrong until that moment. “You’re still in shock. We’ll get you and your friend to the hospital real soon.”

“I don’t need it,” Hermann answers, but lies back anyway. “I’m fine. I’m a bad person, but I’m fine.”

“Sir, I don’t think that’s a judgement call to be making right now.”

Newt turns to him then, stares right past him as though he sees something else, and then finally passes out.

 

Once Hermann’s got the doctor amply convinced that he’s not in shock and Newt’s stitched up properly, they let Hermann see him. He’s already sitting up and complaining about something, but Hermann’s not really sure what. The urge to touch Newt, to hold him to his chest and stroke his hair, fills every fiber of his being. There will be no peace until he can hold Newt in his arms, so it is possible there will be no peace. It is likely there will be no peace. But there’s always the lingering hope, the hope he will hold for the rest of his life.

“How many fingers did he break?” Hermann asks, because it’s easier to keep the conversation neutral, talk about the facts and not the feelings.

Newt holds up his hand, three of his fingers are wrapped in bandages. “All of them on my hand but my damn pinky. I forgot how strong he was.” The appearance of just his pinky wiggling free would be humorous in any situation but this one.

Hermann fights the urge to ask Newt if this is the first such injury he’s been given. It seems irrelevant now, it seems something that would be cruel for him to dig through when the grief must be so fresh. He’s really not sure what Newt’s healing process will be like now, with the largest mob in Boston angry at both of them, but it feels like Newt is free from the Precursors for good. The thing tethering him to them is gone, dead and likely soon to be buried.

“I’m sorry, Newton.”

“Why are you sorry?” Newt looks at him and frowns. “It’s not like you broke my fingers or threatened to kill me or- anything else.”

“I killed him.”

“I know.” Newt swallows hard. “And I’m angry that I’m sad about that. But I- the alternative was not an option.”

“It wasn’t.” He nods and tentatively reaches for Newt’s uninjured hand. When Newt takes it, he almost retracts his hand, as if expecting Newt to refuse him.

“I understand if you don’t want to see me after this.”

“What are you talking about, Hermann?” Newt turns to face him fully. “If I don’t want to see you after this?”

“After you saw him- when he shot a man you said that you didn’t feel the same anymore.”

“He killed a man in cold blood. You think, you honestly think, what you did is remotely comparable? There was no other option. He was going to kill at least one of us, probably both of us. I love you, present tense. I will love you, indefinitely, because you are a good man.”

For perhaps the first time in his adult life, Hermann thinks that maybe that statement is correct. Being a good person doesn’t mean much, it’s a bare minimum, but it’s a start. Hermann’s crying and he’s afraid to let himself cry any more, but it’s a start.

“You’re a good man as well, Newton.”

“And the other part?”

He stands slowly and leans in to kiss Newt’s forehead. “I love you too.” He strokes Newt’s cheek for a moment before he pulls away.

Newt reaches for the hand that he’d dropped to kiss him and takes it in his hand, moving it to his lips. His mouth barely skates across the back of his fingers, but the gesture is appreciated for what it is. It’s with absolute hesitance that Newt lets go of Hermann’s hand.

“So I’m assuming the entire mob wants both of us dead now?” Newt asks.

“Essentially, yes. I’m sure Jimmy’s father is very unhappy with us.”

“Do you think they’ll send us somewhere cool for witness protection?”

“Not a chance, Newton. But I am going to request that we’re sent to a place where you can finish your studies.”

“You just wanna date a doctor,” Newt teases. “Or at least someone with the title.”

“Oh, you caught me. I didn’t think having a doctorate myself was enough.” Hermann rolls his eyes. “Are you good with the pain? You don’t need anything additional?”

“I’m good.” His gaze follows Hermann as he sits back down. “Now I get to tell everyone I've been shot.”

“Newton.”

“Let me joke, dude. It keeps me from being scared shitless.”

Hermann reaches for his hand again, rubbing his thumb along the back of it. “I'm scared too, darling. But we're safe for now and that's what matters.”

“It's weird to think that I could just be like...sitting at home with him. Unbothered by the awful things he's done and instead I'm here. With you. And he's dead.”

“I'm assuming this is the option you prefer.”

“Vastly. I do wonder if he left me anything in his will, though.”

The laugh that escapes from Hermann's lips sounds too much like a sob to actually be amused.

“They'll be freezing all of his assets, I'm afraid. So you'll get nothing.”

“So I'm broke now.”

“We might have to switch to a whole other thread count, you know,” Hermann teases. “And sell the fur coat.”

Newt gives a dramatic grimace. “Do you think I can find a new boyfriend? Is Pentecost gay? He's kinda cute.”

“I'm afraid you're stuck with me.”

“That's sorta what I was hoping to hear.”

Despite everything telling him not to, Hermann slips into the bed beside Newt, careful not to hurt either his injured arm or hand. His arm is securely slung across Newt’s waist and he rests his head on his shoulder. The noise Newt makes is one of profound contentment but he says nothing else. Hermann waits to hear his breath even out, hopefully in the profound pleasure of a deep, painkiller induced sleep. They both fall asleep like that and don't wake until Pentecost finds them in the morning.

 

They move into a safe house, where they're always guarded. It's tense at times, especially when Newt gets restless or Hermann gets annoyed that he always has to do the dishes. (Newt learns, quickly, and he might grumble but he doesn't complain outwardly.) The most ridiculous thing of all to Hermann is how stupidly happy he is in all of this.

He's still allowed to work the case, albeit his only resources are the internet and Newt's extensive knowledge of the organization. They order boxes and boxes of textbooks for Newt to read and study and prepare for his future. The idea of returning to academia is not as bad as it once was, especially when Hermann views it alongside a domestic future. He wonders if Newt shares these domestic motivations or if he’d want something else. Marine biologists do a variety of work, maybe they could live by the sea. Newt can do whatever he wants, live how he wants. If he wants to be at sea half the year, Hermann certainly won’t stop him.

A therapist comes every few days, Hermann sits in the hallway outside of their rooms while Newt speaks to him and he doesn't pry when Newt is withdrawn afterwards. Love alone cannot heal wounds but Hermann seeks to be a comfort to his lover. Partner. Some days they talk about his concerns, his insecurities and doubts. Hermann prefers those days but he likes any healing.

This particular session has gone on long, but Hermann doesn’t mind. He’s been reading a book quietly and thinking through some new evidence he’s gathered. When he returns to their small living room, Newt steps over to him and wraps his arms around Hermann.

“How are you feeling?” Hermann asks, sliding a hand into Newt's hair.

“Drained. Better. Can we take a nap together?”

“Of course, darling. Anything for you.”

“And then afterwards, I'm gonna rock your world.”

“I'd settle with you picking your socks off of the floor.”

“Too late, it's been decided. Sex first, then socks.”

Newt pecks his lips then pulls away, holding out a hand for Hermann. Despite being stuck in this safe house, despite everything, the world seems bright. Their future is going to be radiant.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on twitter @ newtguzzler and tumblr @ pendragoff!


End file.
